SGFE--Stepdad Voice

I got a wireless router and now can go online and talk to and look at my son. It’s almost like meeting with him, really helps w/ the feelings of anxiety and the vague desire to hop on a plane to Poland. He just sits in front of the camera and plays mostly, and we talk too. The first time was 90 min. He was building things with scrubber sponges and asking me to count the sponges. Everything he built he subsequently proclaimed to have exploded. Three sponges made a car; two made a bridge, etc.

His mom—Vie—is furious that I sent her some links to computer games for r:

Thank you for ruining my weekend because of those games. We were doing fine without your suggestions for the time being. Ricky was watching dvds and I could work on computer with my promotion paperwork which I ve got only a week to finish and during the week days I can do hardly anything. There is no peace at home: crying, screaming and frustration at home even being overseas you can ruin everything and don't talk to ricky about you coming for Christmas if you are not sure for 100% because the kid doesn't hear the word "maybe" this way you do harm to him and yourself if it appears that you can't come and at the end somehow everything will be my fault.Please first ask me without Ricky hearing about things...

Stepdad brought me up short again. He is going to Poland himself for two weeks to help a local church with its addiction recovery program. I wished him a safe trip and told him to say hello to Poland for me.

“You don’t miss anything from there, do you?” “Sure, I do,” I replied. “Like what?” “A place of my own.” “You can get that anywhere,” he wished. “I miss my son.” “Of course. That’s to be expected.” “But you never really got into the people and the culture there.”

I don’t know what I said but fumed on the bus and couldn’t get anything written to you. So I had to send him this email:

Chuck, That kind of hurt my feelings when you said that I never really got into the people and culture of Poland. I feel that you think I must have arranged to leave there because I was fed up with the place. It needs to be said over and over that I tried to stay. It also needs to be said that I do speak Polish. It is a difficult language to acquire (category 4 of 5 in difficulty for English speakers), but I regularly did and my Polish wife, despite her early promise, would not usually help me at doctors’ or dentists’ offices, stores, businesses, etc., and I got by. As far as integrating fully into Polish culture goes—no, I chose to retain my Americanness. I was an ambassador of my culture and language there, and think I did pretty well at it. Viola’s final complaint was my lack of use of Polish in the classroom—which really went against my training as a teacher.

I also feel that it’s not quite right to say that I don’t miss anything from there. I miss my great students, my great friends, long winter nights inside a warm home, a change of seasons, my church family, and some things that Europe just does better than America. There’s no place like home (here) though and it’s good to be here, except for being away from Ricky.

I feel like there is a lot unsaid between us and I don’t like that. I’m sorry that I’m not finding the job you want me to and will try to listen to any suggestions you have and hope that you will communicate that to me. I am still applying for jobs as I become aware of them, and in the mean time I am trying to get subbing going. I pray that you have a fruitful time in a place I wish I could visit with you.

Your stepson, Rick

Well, dear reader, at least you can see that I said what needed to be said. In personal encounters, I never seem to say all I want in any attempt at communication. I read in Psychology Today once that that is the way it is w/ everyone. But at least I did say those things. I had the huevos. Thank you, O Communicator. One down, a lifetime’s worth of relationships to go.