Well, when we got to Az, “Uncle” Steve had a gift waiting for him—Warren Waters, who looks like the Terminator in something like a space suit, on a quad. And it magically fit the bill--Steve had more or less bought it over another on a whim, uncertain that Ricky would like it and if he had made a good choice. Steve presented it and axed Ricky if he wanted it or if he should give it to sbdy else. He didn’t say anything, just pointed to his chest. That was his first communication w/ Steve; as he’s shy and kind of slow to warm up to and talk to new people. You couldn’t get that toy away from Ricky, and I was in a real panic when I started packing a month later and couldn’t find it immediately.
I been watching the show Hoarders on TV on Saturdays, my TV day. It’s about people with OCD who hoard things obsessively—food, animals, trash, whatever. The rooms in their homes are essentially inaccessible, not to mention unsafe and unsanitary. My own anxiety is high, even though talking to r on Skype helps. Maybe it has sth to do w/ being in a new sitchiashken. My first anxiety attack occurred in Midland, Tx, on the evening when my family had just moved there. I was fifteen. I was high as a kite on some pot my brother-in-law had shared with me and went out for a walk and got lost. Ever since then I have suffered with anxiety.
My anxiety takes different forms over the years. It started in sleeplessness due to thinking if I relaxed my heart would stop. When I was in the Navy it briefly morphed into thinking I had to say things I didn’t want to say to people; when I got out of the Navy I went thru a hand-washing phase. After I dropped out of grad school, I went through a long period of struggling with wanting to (or thinking I wanted to) give my life to Satan. Now my anxiety tends toward the bizarre impulses. I can’t really go into what my thoughts are like but look up the site bizarrethoughts.psych.org 2 see the kinds of bizarre kinds of things people can get completely obsessed on thinking they want to do.
Vie is now suing me for child support, and maybe I’m having more anxiety because of that, too. I been married ten years and I can tell you my marriage is the one area of my life where I have had the most difficulty finding coping tools. When she talks to me or writes to me and starts in abt my fault and her necessary reaction, I instinctively start fighting back but really have always felt that none of my words are the right thing to say. Abt half the time I mange to keep my mouth shut and reply later if sth sticks with me. On more than one occasion V threw things (sometimes at me) and pushed me and yelled at me or beat on me and backed me into a corner. I knew I could floor her with one punch and when I noticed myself making a fist involuntarily, I knew that was not good.
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If you have your guitar now, the best thing to get started playing a few licks is to go online—you tube, etc.—and look for some vids of steel guitar. Practice them and you will immediately get some satisfaction. Also practice dampening the notes after you have played them--with the edge of your hand is best. Buying a book to help you is a whole other story—the reason you are reading this is because there aren’t any good generally-available instructional books out there on your instrument of choice.
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