SGFE--Pleasures of the Hearth

Do you know how bored I am now? Every night it’s the same thing. I come home from being with my best friend, Steve, and get bored. Shows like King of the Hill, Family Guy, Futurama, American Dad, etc., don’t help much. I’m also trying to read The Iliad. I even played steel for about an hour. I’m working on "Cold, Cold Heart." But it would be so great to do something I’m not supposed to do. Naaaaaaa. It would be great to have Ricky here. Of course, even if I did have him here, I might want to do something naughty. Going through a divorce is like becoming single again. Remember what it was like to be single? Your time is your own. You can listen to sermons fully and unfettered. You can watch what you want on TV. You can stroll through stores without having to make snap decisions and avoid the things you don’t want your son to see so he won’t cry to have them. But being a parent is not boring, that’s for sure. You may want to drown your kids but you are not bored. And maybe that’s why my life feels boring now.

Why the flip ain’t I writing like I done in the 1st entry? Dunno. Do you like plain English better? Let me know. I am a frustrated writer, so your reading this relieves that, but you’ve got to let me know what style you like. Someone once said that everyone is either a frustrated actor, writer, dancer, or whatever. I studied literature in college because I wanted to be a writer, and the best examples of writing are to be found in literature. But I knew I would have to fall back on teaching if I wasn’t writing for money. The truth is, I write. I journal, but now only when I am on a plane somewhere—when sth is either starting or finishing. But I used to journal every day or so. I used to write a letter to a pen pal almost every day, too.

But I am starting a new job tomorrow. Exclamation point? No. I am teaching. ESL in downtown Phoenix. I will be enthusiastic enough while there, though. But the important thing is to be thankful to God for the job. When they axed me there if I was enthusiastic, I said yes, but that's not what I felt.

But I told you I was going to tell you abt the month with Ricky here. If you have never had a child, here is what that can be like.

First I have to tell you abt the flight. He is four and long out of diapers but pooped his pants on the plane. I kept smelling sth like a fart and finally pulled his waistband away from his back and saw it. To the bathroom we went. But he didn’t want the door closed--I think he can be claustrophobic--and started screaming. I left the door open, and the screaming continued, to the point of passengers complaining. So I got his pants off and his butt cleaned, and through the ordeal, we started praying and I kept telling him it was ok to be afraid and that God and Jesus were there. “I afraid,” he kept saying, “I afraid.” I hadn’t brought him any clean underwear, and he wanted his underwear back on. I had to wash them in the sink and put them back on him. When all this was done, he had begun to calm down. “See,” I said, “now it’s ok. God helped us.” “Thank you, Jesus,” he said. It beat the hell out of any quiet night I’ve had at home, that’s for sure.

More later.